I do! I feel like my friends just dump on me all their drama and big secrets because they know think I can take it...
Right now I'm hanging to a big life changing medical problem and the crumbling of one of the most solid relationships I've seen. I have to carry with this because they can't. I know they count on me take me for granted but sometimes I feel that it's just too much!
I feel my closet is just overflowing with skeletons and they are not even mine!
Really:
"I'm just a fucked up girl looking for my piece of mind. Don't assign me yours!"
I'm well known for falling for friends. For me it's simple I can only love what I know! However this has given me throughout the years an enormous amount of disappointment. I've been heartbroken many, many times. Usually when I fall for a guy it's 50% compatibility 40% intelligence (not talking about emotional intelligence) 9.9% other stuff and 0.1% looks. This formula has never been right because I compromise important things like Not being a prick for a cultured, well read, somewhat brilliant or talented guy that it's a total ass and it's a mommy's boy at 27. I guess for me the uttermost important thing is to have someone to converse that understands my prissiness over certain things. The rest? The rest is just jejune!
A couple of months ago I met this gorgeous, sensitive, somewhat sensible, cultured, intelligent, socialist, talented, and many more things French guy who swept me off my feet. I could have fell for him in a blink conversation with him was rich and endless we talked until they closed the restaurant. But he had a girlfriend and even worse he really loves her! I guess after all nobody is perfect... The point is he swept me off my feet for the same reasons I could fall for anyone. And I know I could have easily compromised those virtues with the fact that his life is a mess, the big emotional issues, and that he gets drunk at least 3 times a week!
Therefore looking for what I want has me swamped!
However it's not a matter of looking for what I need...
I'm not trying to find a soul mate, the love of my life, prince charming nor anything along those lines.I don't believe that there is The One neither that love is democratic.
After many years of looking for what I want with catastrophic results I just decided to let things flow.
Yesterday I had a date with a guy that took him 4 years to finally ask me out. He is not my usual type. He is the kind of guy who knows what he wants out of life, works towards his goals, it's collected, and responsible...
I'm planning on seeing where this might take us.
Wish me luck!
I'm not an open book... Well I try to be. I'm taking back blogging because today I felt the urge to do it. I decided to write in English even if I'm a Spanish native speaker because I sort my thoughts and emotions better in this language specially emotions... And it is because I take an emotional distance from my own complicated self. I'm not looking for followers. I know blogging it's almost extinct it's easier to express a thought in 140 characters than taking the time to think in a blog post. I'm just in search for a place to sort things out. I had have another blog which I abandoned because my private public space was becoming public to my family. I felt as if I was pushed away from my own house. It was awful and I won't let that happen to this one. This let's just say is the earliest introduction of myself. I'll be posting something tonight.
